Thursday, October 2, 2008

baby fever

so, this post is really all about me... more of a peek inside my heart. :-)

in our circle of friends/family, there are 6 babies due within the next few months. SIX!

and, even though i am very happy for all of them, and very excited to meet their little ones, i am a bit sad for me... because i really have baby fever right now. emma's at the perfect age... i would love for our kids to be around 2-and-a-half years apart. and we're far enough away from those difficult newborn days, that i can actually imagine having another baby right now.

the thing is - it's not in "the plan" right now. i just quit my job to go to school full-time. i need to finish... i can see the light at the end of the tunnel now... i know it will be over before i know it. but it's just not the way i pictured my life being right now.

i thought at the age of 25 that i'd already be married and have a baby... so that part has come true. but i also thought i'd be done with school, and enjoying my days as a stay-at-home mommy, maybe of 2. and i wouldn't have to be worried about getting pregnant as a 25-year-old, married-for-4-years, mommy/student!

i know that i have an amazing life. i am very blessed. my husband is my best friend. our daughter is perfect. we have a beautiful house, a cute doggie, two great cars, amazing friends and family... i know all that.

i just hate feeling like we're stuck in this part of our life. like we can't move on. it's hard seeing all of our friends progress, and knowing that if we were to announce the very same news, we wouldn't get an excited reaction, but instead worried faces and questions of concern.

i think, mainly, it's just the fact that i'm having to "give up" the plans that I had made. i'm having to let go of the way i thought it would be and surrender to what God has for our family.

and right now... it's not a baby.

and i know that's best... i just want one so bad...

...sigh.

anyway, just thought i'd share. and maybe the next time you hear me whining about it, you can remind me of all the reasons i know that it's ok the way it is. :-)

3 comments:

Lisa said...

Sometimes it is really hard to accept the plan that God has for our lives. All I can say is usually when we try to force our plan vs his plan we tend to mess his up. I promise that in the end his plan is better than ours. We just can't see the big picture like he can.

Joel, Melody, Grant, & Kate said...

Hang in there, Sara! Enjoy school, enjoy Emma, enjoy your family of 3. I know you already do but if you're like me it never hurts to be reminded. :-)

candicebishop said...

Oh Sara, I know this must be so hard for you! I've been struggling with similar issues for quite some time now. We've agreed on 2 kids, and I know its best for our family right now. But my heart yearns for more too. Colton is only one, and I've got baby fever bad. But I know that those days are over. And that makes me very sad sometimes. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. You have such a mommy's heart.

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